Teaching the Five Love Languages For Kids

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Knowing how to teach kids about love will set them up for long-term, successful relationships. We use the 5 love languages for kids to teach our kids about love.

One secret to my Ideas To Strengthen Homeschool Family Relationships is knowing how the five love languages teach kids about love.

When people talk about love they tend to use terms like, ‘falling into’ or ‘falling out of’ love. They talk about feeling or not feeling love.

Other terms like ‘for the love of Pete’ and ‘I will love you forever’ come to mind as well.

How many times have you heard people talk about the languages of love?

Did you know that there are languages of love, or love languages?

These languages, when properly understood, can drive the how, what, and when of saying ‘I love you’ to everyone in your life.

There are five distinctive ways to say ‘I love you’ that will strengthen and solidify all of your relationships.

It is imperative that we teach the 5 love languages for kids while they are young so that as they grow, they too can enjoy the benefits of strong and healthy relationships.

Teaching Kids to be Kind, Loving, and Thoughtful

Kids are naturally kind and loving beings. Even from a young age, babies and toddlers love to give hugs and kisses and be little helpers to their mommies and daddies.

But as kids grow, even if their natural inclination to love stays intact, they may need guidance and direction as to how to show their love.

Everybody likes to feel love in a certain way. Some people like hugs and kisses and other people hate being touched and would prefer a gift or some help with the chores.

It is important to teach kids from a young age how to properly express love to those around them.

Loving needs to be learned.

The 5 Languages of Love

First you need to know that this idea of five love languages did not originate in my own head. 

I got these from Dr. Gary Chapman’s best seller book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.

Gary did a very good job of identifying and explaining the five different love languages and if you wanted more details than I give you here, you should definitely go buy his book and give it a read.

He also has a few other editions if you want something deeper, including an edition that specifically focuses on children – the Five Love Languages of Children.  

This is not an official book review but more of an idea of how to teach your kids to effectively speak all the languages of love so that as they move through life, they can have happy and successful relationships.

Another thing to keep in mind – most people exhibit more than one love language. It is very common for people (especially children) to have a top two or three.

But there is almost always one primary love language that sits just a bit above the rest.

Let’s take a quick look at the five languages we are talking about.

The Five Love Languages for Kids are:

1. Words of Affirmation (words of affection)
2. Acts of Service
3. Receiving Gifts (meaningful gifts)
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch (physical affection)

An Overview of the 5 Love Languages for Kids

If you are unsure of your child’s primary love language, you can take the official love language quiz here.

Or I made a quick and simple quiz to help you get an idea of your young child’s love language. You can take that here.

Once you know your child’s preferred love language, you are well on your way to speaking love to your child, as well as helping your child speak love to others!

#1 Words of Affirmation and Kids

The first language on our list is words of affirmation.

Words of affirmation are also known as positive words of encouragement or praise. Words that make you feel good about yourself and others.

Children whose love language is words of affirmation seem to shine when you tall them things like ‘good work’ or ‘well done’.

They love when you get excited about their accomplishments, and they will, in turn, get overly excited about the accomplishments of others.

Words of affirmation don’t just need to be spoken out loud. A note in the lunchbox or a letter highlighting their accomplishments or good deeds can easily be used.

Children with this love language tend to appreciate awards and recognition as opposed to prizes or payments.

We tend to praise our kids very heavily when they are babies as they learn to walk and eat and use the toilet. As they get older and the milestones get further apart, we tend to cut down on the amount of praise we give.

If this happens to a child whose love language is words of affirmation, it can be devastating for their self-esteem. This is particularly the case if there is a younger sibling who has begun hitting these milestones and thus stealing all the praise, or all the expressions of love, as the child may see it.

It is easy to help a child with this love language feel loved, appreciated, and valued, but parents must be conscientious every day about making sure these kids get the recognition they need.

Ideas For Loving the Words of Affirmation Child

• Say good job or well done when they accomplish something hard
• Talk specifically about the hard work it took to overcome something (such as how much you liked the dinner they made)
• During times of stress or anxiety, talk specifically about things you love about him/her
• Say kind things about him/her when talking to other people
• Leave a surprise note under a pillow or on a bathroom mirror

#2 Acts of Service and Kids

The next love language is what’s known as acts of service.

Kids whose love language is acts of service thrive when somebody does something nice or helpful for them. They also love doing nice things for those they love.

These are the ‘little helpers’ of the world.

If your child has the love language of service, he or she might drive you crazy following you around, always trying to help.

It is very important not to crush the spirits of these children.

As frustrating as it may be, let these children help you! Because that is how they will learn love and feel loved by those around them. (Not to mention, the life skills these kids master are pretty useful.)

Ideas For Loving the Service Child

• Work on difficult tasks or chores together
• Respond quickly when he/she asks for help
• Offer to help with a task or chore without being asked
• Make his/her favorite meal as a surprise

#3 Receiving Gifts and Kids

The third love language is receiving gifts.

Gifts seems like an obvious one as most children come by this skill naturally.  Kids are often picking flowers for mommy or writing notes to dad.

The language of receiving gifts can be exhibited in a few variations including quality (how much it took to get), quantity (lots of small gifts often work better than one big gift), and gifts of self/presence (sacrificing time or talent on your behalf – not to be confused with service).

Because this love language is so natural to kids, it may not need to be taught as heavily, but some things that you can do is help your kids recognize when they are being given a gift and to be (and show it) grateful for the gift.

Encourage your kids to slow down and do little things like say thank you when they receive a gift, no matter how small. This can include little cards of thanks or a packet of stickers.  These meaningful gifts are all symbols of love – and truly sincere expression of love.

One of the things that we have had to do with our kids is teach them to give gifts with the other person in mind. Often times our kids instinctively want to give a gift that they would like to receive and we have to teach them to think about what the other person wants to receive.

Gifting an insect to a girly girl of a sister or friend may not go over well.

Teaching kids to get to know the other person so that they can know what the person they are gifting to would like to get is a hard skill for some people. Nevertheless, it is an important skill.

Ideas For Loving the Gifts Child

• Leave a note somewhere for him/her to find
• Make a special treat just for him/her
• Find something special on a nature walk and give it to him/her
• When buying a ‘necessity’ wrap it up and present it in a special way

#4 Quality Time and Kids

Next on our list of love languages for kids is quality time.

I have heard it said that children spell love T-I-M-E but realistically it is anybody that has a need for some quality time that would spell love as time. 

For quality timers, you sitting there looking at them and having a conversation is the greatest act of love in the world.

They need you to take the special time to give some undivided attention and to make them number one for at least a few minutes every day.  They also like going and doing things with those they love.  Special undivided attention is the best way fill up this child’s love tank.

This can include whole family time, but one-on-one time gives them even more of a boost. One-on-one time makes this child feel especially loved.

This can be tricky for people with heavy-laden schedules. In this case, teaching your children to schedule and keep to the appointment for your loved ones is very important. 

Do you need to be at every life event this person has? No. But you do need to be there often and always show up when you say you are going to.

If you break a promise like this, then whatever you are doing becomes more important to you than your loved one and this can be devastating to a relationship.

Showing love through quality time can be a great time to teach or learn something new. Quality time can also include just being a listening ear, no matter the topic.

Ideas for Loving the Quality Time Child

• Make a point of putting aside distractions and making eye contact when talking
• Go on a walk together
• Work on chores and other assignments together rather than making him/her work alone
• Spend time together even when you don’t have any special plans
• Research fun ideas or projects together
• For more ideas for turning gifts into quality time, consider a family experience gift.

#5 Physical Touch and Kids

Physical touch is the fifth and final love language.

Kids with the love language of physical touch will feel a great amount of love from something as simple as a pat on the back, a hearty handshake, or hugs and kisses. 

Physical touch can be one of the easiest love languages to speak. If your child has this love language, a simple cuddle session while watching tv, or a quick tousle of the hair, can speak volumes.

Now, unfortunately, physical touch is also a tricky one these days. Our society is becoming more and more aware and defensive about inappropriate touch. (And understandably so.)

If your child’s love language is physical touch, you must be extra diligent about teaching them what kinds of touch are and are not appropriate – and that this can look differently for different people.

Being touched, even in seemingly simple ways such as holding hands or giving high fives, can be uncomfortable for people who don’t speak this language. 

Ideas for Loving the Physical Touch Child

• Let your child sit on your lap during a lesson or while reading a book
• Rub your child’s back while after a stressful or trying moment
• Sit close while watching TV or a movie
• Give lots of high-fives
• Tickles and wrestling may be appreciated by some kids with this love language
• Lightly touch his/her hand when talking together (holding hands)

Printable Love Language Coupons For Kids

One of the best ways to show somebody how much you care is by showing them love in their own love language.

I know, that’s sometimes easier said than done.

So to help you out, I created these printable love language coupons!

Featuring each of the five love languages, there are coupons that are perfect for everybody you care about.

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How To Teach Kids About Love